What if there was a world where every phrase was taken literally? Like “Do you take me for a fool?” literally means you kidnap someone and bring them to a seedy underworld jester that’s, like, part of the Triad or something. And then “easy as pie” would mean that pie was widely known to have loose morals. (Oh, pie. You saucy harlot.) Or have you ever said “close but no cigar” to a kid? What if the kid was right? You’d cough up that damn cigar. People’s brains would rattle around on account of the marbles inside of them, which would frequently be lost by people with large earholes. Old habits would roam around the wild, full of bullet wounds and tough as gristle. There would be a law in place, as well, the final article of the Geneva conventions: “all good things must come to an end.” If a country doesn’t abide, well, then probably the entire world would end on account of them all nuking each other back to the Stone Age (and, of course, the explosions would literally rip the fabric of time and bring us back to the time of Neanderthals).
Man, this stuff is good. I should probably write some of this down… oh wait.
Awesome Pie! 