“And we’re back. Say, Jennifer. How’s that cocker spaniel of yours?”
“Oh, he’s just swell, Barry. Just swell. Thank you for asking.”
“Speaking of swell, did you know that the ocean eats one thousand more Cocker Spaniels a year than it does Jamaican Snoring Frogs?”
“That’s awful, Barry! Looks like I should stay away from the beach this season. Ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha! But don’t keep too secluded, Jennifer. If you get too lonely, you could die. We have a scientist here that specializes in… what did you call it?”
“SHC. Spontaneous Human Combustion. Oh, but I’m not a scientist. I just work as a cashier at Walgreen’s…”
“Don’t be so modest, doctor! Tell us why… we’re constantly at risk of dying in unimaginable ways.”
“Well, Spontaneous Human Combustion, specifically, has a lot of mystery surrounding it. People in the past have believed it’s the work of ghosts. However, there have been patterns found of very isolated people who simply space out in the middle of whatever they’re doing.”
“Explain.”
“They, um… they fall into these deep trances, kind of like a hypnotist. Then, without warning, they burst into flames.”
“Are you saying they become a human fireball?”
“Kind of, though it mostly occurs at the skin level, there have been theories that a person’s organs are able to superheat in certain situations.”
“Gosh! That’s terrible! I’m sure the viewers would like to know, is there any way to prevent this from happening to any of us.”
“Well, there’s no proven method, though my buddies and I were talking and it seems like you just need to live an active lifestyle. Just don’t be a vampire all the time.”
“Doctor, are you saying these people might be vampires?”
“No! What?”
“Amazing! Thank you for joining us, Doctor Walgreen.”
“That’s not my…”
“We’ll be back! After these messages…”
Awesome Pie! 