Road Trip

Jerm kept pushing the CD into the Buick’s deck.

“Dammit, Micah! Fuggin’ CD’s all scratched the fuck up. You got anythin’ else?”

“Should work. Just got the CD player installed last year.”

“Yeah, well, it don’t! Looks like sumun’ tried to fuck it with a razor dick.”

“The fuck’s a razor dick?”

“It’s like a dick with a razor… you know?”

“No. I don’t fucking know.”

“Fuck you.”

“Just as long as you don’t whip out your razor dick to do it.”

“Just keep drivin’, Micah. Sick o’ your bullshit.”

“What’s it look like I’m doing? You want to take the wheel? I’ve been drivin’ since Oklahoma.”

Jerm tipped his hat down over his eyes. “Hey. I need my shut eye, boss. Yer doin’ such a good job innyway.”

“Fuck you, man. You’re driving the rest of the way. I gotta take a piss.”

“Ahh, bullshit. We should open a lemonade stand, we got so much stored back there.”

“You know we can’t take any chances, Jerm. Jus’ take the wheel and shut yer trap for a sec.”

“I got it. Just don’t slash apart all our water bottles wit’ yer cock and make a mess.”

“You gonna take the wheel or do you want to hold it for me while I go?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.” Jerm sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was never much for taking naps. “Hope we can get to New Mexico soon.”

“Desert’s the place to be, Jerm. Not enough life around there to be zombie food.”

“Speakin’ of, we got ourselves a hitchhiker.”

“Just drive by.”

“But she’s hot.”

“Dammit, Jerm! Just drive!”

“What are you, gay?”

“Motherfucker. At least let me put it back in my pants. Hand me the gun.”

“What? She ain’t a zombie.”

“She still has teeth, don’t she? Just hand me the gun.”

Without opening the windows, Jerm signalled for the woman to crawl into the passenger side.

“You guys are life savers. Name’s Jaclyn.”

“Jeremiah. This one’s my brother, Micah.”

“Kinda queer bein’ stuck all the way out here,” Micah said.

“Yeah, well. My car ran out of gas a few miles back. I’m from Odessa, but I hear North is the way to go right now. The walking dead! I still can’t believe it.”

“Sure ’nuff!” Jerm laughed. “We’re both comin’ outta Little Rock. Damn skeeters are turnin’ people into flesh eaters! Deserts dry enough so they don’t breed at all. That right, Micah?”

“Yeah… so, Jaclyn. You up here all by your lonesome?”

“Well, I have some family headed up to the Northern states, see if they can get into Canada. I took a while getting out ‘cuz my boyfriend wouldn’t leave. I don’t know. Guess I was bein’ dumb wanting to stay with him in zombie country. He’s the type who thinks he can fend ’em all off with a shotgun and a baseball bat.”

“Sounds like a fuggin’ loser, pardon my French. Well, it’s good that you ran into us. Don’t want to get caught out there with zombie’s lurkin’.”

“Yeah. It’s been pretty hot out too.” Jaclyn pulled her sleeve down.

“Here’s some water,” Micah offered.

“Thank you.”

“That rash on your arm… that’s from the heat?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s nothing much.”

“I can take a look at it.”

“No. Don’t worry about it.”

Micah pulled out his gun. Jerm swerved the car over to the side of the road. “Whoa, Micah! Holy shit! Quit playin’ with that thing!”

“I ain’t playin’. That’s a bug bite.”

Jaclyn shook her head. “No. It’s not–”

“Don’t lie to me, bitch. Our daddy had a bite like that before we found him gnawing on one of ma’s arms.”

“It’s just a little bite! I mean, I’m young! I can probably fight it off, right?”

“Yeah, Micah! Maybe it’s not the end of the world. Just hold off for a sec!”

“Can’t take any chances. Get out the car, Jaclyn. You can keep the water. Here’s a few extra bottles, too. It’s not water, but you’ll thank me when you get thirsty enough.”

“You can’t be serious. Please! Just drop me off in the next town.”

“Micah–”

“Shut up, Jerm. Just step out of the car and there won’t be no trouble. You’re better off than when we found ya. Just be thankful for that.”

Jaclyn removed herself from the car, sobbing and cradling bottles of water and urine. When the door slammed, she dropped the bottles and put her hands on the windows. “Please!” she wailed through the glass.

“That was a pretty shitty thing to do, Micah. You know that?”

“Just drive, Jerm. No more hitchhikers.”