Road Trip

Jerm kept pushing the CD into the Buick’s deck.

“Dammit, Micah! Fuggin’ CD’s all scratched the fuck up. You got anythin’ else?”

“Should work. Just got the CD player installed last year.”

“Yeah, well, it don’t! Looks like sumun’ tried to fuck it with a razor dick.”

“The fuck’s a razor dick?”

“It’s like a dick with a razor… you know?”

“No. I don’t fucking know.”

“Fuck you.”

“Just as long as you don’t whip out your razor dick to do it.”

“Just keep drivin’, Micah. Sick o’ your bullshit.”

“What’s it look like I’m doing? You want to take the wheel? I’ve been drivin’ since Oklahoma.”

Jerm tipped his hat down over his eyes. “Hey. I need my shut eye, boss. Yer doin’ such a good job innyway.”

“Fuck you, man. You’re driving the rest of the way. I gotta take a piss.”

“Ahh, bullshit. We should open a lemonade stand, we got so much stored back there.”

“You know we can’t take any chances, Jerm. Jus’ take the wheel and shut yer trap for a sec.”

“I got it. Just don’t slash apart all our water bottles wit’ yer cock and make a mess.”

“You gonna take the wheel or do you want to hold it for me while I go?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.” Jerm sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was never much for taking naps. “Hope we can get to New Mexico soon.”

“Desert’s the place to be, Jerm. Not enough life around there to be zombie food.”

“Speakin’ of, we got ourselves a hitchhiker.”

“Just drive by.”

“But she’s hot.”

“Dammit, Jerm! Just drive!”

“What are you, gay?”

“Motherfucker. At least let me put it back in my pants. Hand me the gun.”

“What? She ain’t a zombie.”

“She still has teeth, don’t she? Just hand me the gun.”

Without opening the windows, Jerm signalled for the woman to crawl into the passenger side.

“You guys are life savers. Name’s Jaclyn.”

“Jeremiah. This one’s my brother, Micah.”

“Kinda queer bein’ stuck all the way out here,” Micah said.

“Yeah, well. My car ran out of gas a few miles back. I’m from Odessa, but I hear North is the way to go right now. The walking dead! I still can’t believe it.”

“Sure ’nuff!” Jerm laughed. “We’re both comin’ outta Little Rock. Damn skeeters are turnin’ people into flesh eaters! Deserts dry enough so they don’t breed at all. That right, Micah?”

“Yeah… so, Jaclyn. You up here all by your lonesome?”

“Well, I have some family headed up to the Northern states, see if they can get into Canada. I took a while getting out ‘cuz my boyfriend wouldn’t leave. I don’t know. Guess I was bein’ dumb wanting to stay with him in zombie country. He’s the type who thinks he can fend ’em all off with a shotgun and a baseball bat.”

“Sounds like a fuggin’ loser, pardon my French. Well, it’s good that you ran into us. Don’t want to get caught out there with zombie’s lurkin’.”

“Yeah. It’s been pretty hot out too.” Jaclyn pulled her sleeve down.

“Here’s some water,” Micah offered.

“Thank you.”

“That rash on your arm… that’s from the heat?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s nothing much.”

“I can take a look at it.”

“No. Don’t worry about it.”

Micah pulled out his gun. Jerm swerved the car over to the side of the road. “Whoa, Micah! Holy shit! Quit playin’ with that thing!”

“I ain’t playin’. That’s a bug bite.”

Jaclyn shook her head. “No. It’s not–”

“Don’t lie to me, bitch. Our daddy had a bite like that before we found him gnawing on one of ma’s arms.”

“It’s just a little bite! I mean, I’m young! I can probably fight it off, right?”

“Yeah, Micah! Maybe it’s not the end of the world. Just hold off for a sec!”

“Can’t take any chances. Get out the car, Jaclyn. You can keep the water. Here’s a few extra bottles, too. It’s not water, but you’ll thank me when you get thirsty enough.”

“You can’t be serious. Please! Just drop me off in the next town.”


“Shut up, Jerm. Just step out of the car and there won’t be no trouble. You’re better off than when we found ya. Just be thankful for that.”

Jaclyn removed herself from the car, sobbing and cradling bottles of water and urine. When the door slammed, she dropped the bottles and put her hands on the windows. “Please!” she wailed through the glass.

“That was a pretty shitty thing to do, Micah. You know that?”

“Just drive, Jerm. No more hitchhikers.”



Filed under FEATHERTON SESSION, Flash Fiction

7 responses to “Road Trip

  1. awesomepie

    This is the last story in my zombie scenario… at least for now.

    I noticed a considerable lack of female perspective. We’ve got Nancy, Jaclyn, and the once-mentioned wife in “Hindsight,” but they’re really just two-dimensional characters. Maybe I’ll try to run a story from that angle next time. Until then, I’m at least taking a break from it. If I write too much more, it may just turn into a novel.

    ~ Seamus K.

  2. shortnmorose

    GAHHH love the zombie stories. Bring em back!

    One confusing part – I thought North was the way to go. If they’ve been driving since Oklahoma, why are they heading to New Mexico? I understand the desert part, but why not Canada like in the other stories?

    Some of the dialogue got confusing where I wasn’t sure who was talking, Jerm or Micah. Also got confused when they picked up Jaclyn since the narrator didn’t say that the two guys had pulled over.

    Really love how this zombie thing is turning out. Love the health paranoia. Wish swine flu was this entertaining.

    Also, you’re really funny. I still don’t know how to be funny in writing but your characters (in general) make me laugh. Both with what they say and what they do. Which reminds me, was he kidding that urine would save her? Is urine the antidote? Or was he just being a funny ass?

  3. vicky_luu

    dude. again. awesome.

    i love that this can everyday scenario about two brothers picking up a hitchhiker, but you throw in this zombie element and it raises the stakes like crazy.

    i like the use of just dialogue in this piece, without giving much description i can still picture where they are, what they might look like..what’s going on around them.

    and i like that she was given urine. it’s so…gross, but fits perfectly with the tone. it’s like, zombies make things so crazy, that might have to drink some piss to survive.

    i would say write more zombie pieces! damnit. haha. that’s all.

  4. not one to be a bandwagoneer myself, but yes! keep on with the zombie stories! there’s a nice continuity at work; if at the worst you need to split them, split them. if at best you can link them all together in novel form, even better. this is less a crit toward the writing and more toward the approach. i think you can push through.


  5. I see two Keoruac-like guys on the road. Pick up a girl. Maybe one of the guys thinks she’s pretty, has a soft spot for her. The other one’s a pragmatist, ain’t gonna take no chances with death and zombies. The goal is to get out of zombieland. The conflict arises between what to do with her. The disaster (conclusion) is that she’s left by the side of the road.

    I like the dilemma and the gifting of the piss in beer bottles (for some reason).

    How about make it more dramatic. How about the boys start fighting over her, or maybe she starts getting aggressive. And then they both see her lump and stop fighting because they’re afraid of her. So then they both kick her out. She goes out kicking and screaming and throws one of the piss bottles at their car as they drive off. Just a suggestion.

  6. awesomepie

    Morose: urine’s not an antidote; he just gave her the bottles of piss because she would probably want to drink that when she ran out of water (perhaps I need to clarify this?)… it may seem cold, but I thought it was somewhat considerate of him… sort of. I’m glad you think I’m funny, though. I try to mix some levity with my work, even though a zombie apocalypse would not be a fun affair. People have to save their sanity somehow, especially if they’re stuck with each other on a road trip.

    Vicky: more zombies, eh? Didn’t realize they’d be in hot demand, but I guess I’ll give it some more thought.

    fivethirty: there’s more madness than method at this point, you’re right, but I am planning on making these stories relevant to each other.

    fadebot: they were pissing in water bottles; I think you’re thinking of your own experiences maybe? 🙂 I’ve considered offering an alternative; someone (Vicky?) wanted Jaclyn to start eating people… still, I don’t know. I’ll consider your suggestions, though, when I revise.

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