The Adventures of Jake and Bartleby

“I don’t know, Jake. Looks like a trap to me.”

The two carp eyeballed the piece of food attached to a gleaming piece of metal.

“Nonsense, my good chum!” Jake replied. “Bartelby, you are always the worrier.”

“I’m no warrior, Jake. I get scared all the time.”

“No. No. Wore-ee-er!”

Bartleby floated there, wide-eyed, his mouth opening and closing.

Jake felt awkward. He knew that Bartleby had issues with his short-term memory. “Uh… just forget about it.”

Jake fluttered up to the food. “Hey, Bartleby! Look at me!” He nibbled at the food on the piece of sharp metal. “Delicious!” He ate off one side, but the food on the other side slid off and fell into the muddy floor of the lake. “Bummer.”

The metal rose out of the water and disappeared. “Well, I guess that’s it, Bartleby.”

“That’s what?”

Ker-plunk! Another piece of food stuck on a piece of metal sunk down in front of their faces.

“There’s another one. I’m gonna eat it whole this time!”

“I don’t know, Jake. Looks like a trap to me.”

“Bartleby, my good chum. As always, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Banzai!” Jake dove onto the food, mouth first. Something caught in his cheek. “Guh-oh!” Jake groaned before he was yanked by the gills out of the water.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh my God, that’s painful! I can’t breathe! Where am I? I can’t breathe!” The metal tore at his cheek again as it was yanked out of his mouth. He was tossed in a small bucket of water. The water had a metallic tinge to it, but everything was starting to taste like blood anyway. There wasn’t any mud anywhere. The bucket was lifeless and cramped.

Jake screamed for Bartleby to hear him, but the bucket was completely isolated. Jake hated the bucket. He wondered if Bartleby remembered if he’d been pulled out of the water, or that they’d even been talking in the first place. Bartleby was probably swimming back home now and had forgotten all about him. He sang an old carp song about eating shiny, floaty things. Though Jake always liked the song, he was beginning to wonder if it had any scraps of wisdom to it.

Sploosh!

“Ow! Ow! Ow! What just happened? My cheek hurts!” It was Bartleby.

“What are you doing here? I thought you’d go get help!”

“Oh, Jake! I just saw this piece of food and it looked so delicious.”

“You didn’t think it was a trap?” Jake frowned.

“Never crossed my mind. It was just a piece of food stuck on some metal.”

“Well,” Jake paused. “I think we need to get out of here.”

“Jake?”

“Yeah?”

“That is the smartest idea any fish ever came up with. You know that?”

“Yeah, I’m a friggin’ genius. Now let’s swim around in circles. Maybe something will happen.”

They swam around in circles for several minutes.

“I don’t think it’s working,” Bartleby panted, his gills working furiously.

“You think?” Jake slowed and stopped. “I’m out of ideas, Bartleby. I think we’re doomed.”

“Bummer,” Bartleby’s mouth opened and closed.

“You’re not worried at all?”

“Worried about what?”

“We’re gonna die in here, Bartleby! There’s no way out!”

“There’s always the top of the bucket,” Bartleby said.

“But that’s just air up there. There’s nothing…” Jake flitted his tail about. “Bartleby, my old chum, you are a mad genius!”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. Let’s just try to swim up into the air.” Jake closed his gills and swam up, but when he got to the air, he couldn’t swim anymore. “That’s weird. Okay, Bartleby. We’ll break through the air! On three. One, two… three!”

Only Jake swam up. He looked down and saw that Bartleby was rubbing up against the metal walls. “Bartleby!”

“Huh?”

“We’re breaking through the air! Come on!”

“Okay.”

Jake counted to three again. They both shot up but the air caught them again. Bartleby stumbled and fell on Jake and they both fell into the wall. Their metal cage went tossing over and all the water leaked out.

“We’re doomed!” Jake cried, gasping. A hand shot for his body. “I kill you!” he shouted, wrapping his toothless mouth around a finger. The hand shook him off and into the water.

“Freedom! Freedom, Bartleby!” He looked around, but Bartleby was nowhere to be found. Jake realized he must still be up there in the air. Mustering all his dorsal energy, he flew out of the water.

“Bartleb~!” Splash!

“Bartleby~!” Splash!

“Over he~!” Splash!

“Here!” Jake shrieked before hitting the water one last time. He was exhausted and he had no idea whether his friend was safe or not. He imagined the hands putting all sorts of pieces of metal in Bartleby’s face, then putting him in a smaller bucket, smaller and more terrifying than the last. “Oh, Bartleby. You were the bravest of us, if only because you didn’t know any better. Farewell, sweet prince!”

“What’s up?” said a familiar voice behind Jake.

“Bartleby!” Jake cried. “How did you escape?”

“I just headed for the water. I’ve been down here in the mud, watching you jump around.”

“I kill you!” Jake lunged, wrapping his mouth around the side of Bartleby’s face. He opened it wider, trying to swallow his head. Bartleby just floated there. “Okay,” Jake sighed, removing his mouth from Bartleby’s head. “I’m done now.”

“I’m pretty hungry,” Bartleby said. “Wanna go get some food?”