Yes. I’m a Black Widow, but I’m not a widow. I’m unhappily married to a freeloading spider who just squats around the web doing nothing but waste his precious energy and cost me precious sleep. I get so agitated with him sometimes. He’s always up at weird hours, shaking the web. Whenever I feel it vibrate, I race over to see if I caught something to eat, but then it’s always him just putzing around. Every. Time! He’s probably scaring away the gnats around this garage, too. Who made this web? Who supports this family? Certainly not him, and he doesn’t show a lot of gratitude for it. My friends say I should have slurped up his liquefied remains a long time ago, but marriage should last forever, shouldn’t it? But now, looking at him wave around that big jaundiced hourglass on his backside, I’m not so sure. And then he turns around and I see those rows of loathsome eyes just leering at me, and I just want to coil that sucker up and inject all my venom sacs straight into his face!
But it’s marriage. Marriage is supposed to be forever. I just don’t know how much more I can take, though. If he doesn’t shape up soon, I may just have to eat the little bastard.