The Dragon and the Dragon Slayer

“I’ve come to slay you, dragon!” said Tomas, the dragon slayer. His silver armor and broadsword glistened in the fierce desert sun.

The dragon emerged from its cave. “Kill me? Why would you want that?”

“You’ve killed all the ship in our pastures!” Tomas shouted, pointing his sword threateningly.

The dragon chuckled, scaring away a flock of blackbirds. “Oh. Is that all. Well, I don’t like the taste of humans. Sheep burst in your mouth like little taste bubbles.” The dragon’s tongue flicked out, its eyes lost in ecstacy.

“They’re our sheep, dragon! Now you will pay!”

The dragon looks down at the little man, annoyed that he’d snap him out of his sheep-eating fantasies. “I really don’t see the problem. I mean, it’s not like I’m eating y–”

Tomas cried an animalistic cry of fury, swinging his broadsword at the dragon’s scaly hide.

“Oh dear,” the dragon mutters as the sword bounces off his nose. “I think you need a sharper sword, human. Only the sharpest sword made out of the hardest materials can ever hope to cut me.”

Tomas admitted defeat and sheathed his sword. “You get a reprieve, dragon! But this is not mercy! You will pay for eating our flock!”

After the human left, the dragon circled around his treasure pile inside his cave and took a short nap (which for dragons is several months) and dreamed about popping clawfuls of sheep in his jaws.

“Dragon!” cried a voice. “DRAGON! COME OUT!” The dragon yawned and stretched and looked to see who it was. It looked down to see Tomas, the dragon slayer, his armor glistening in the sun.

“Oh, it’s you. Did you bring the sword?’

“Yes! Behold the dark sword, Venganza! This will be your doom, dragon!”

The sword shone bright, but the dragon groaned in disappointment. “It looks like a regular sword.”

“This blade was crafted by the great smith, Sebastian de Biscay! A thousand folds of steel were used to create this sword!”

The dragon drug a finger around in the dust, making a small trench in the ground. “I’ve seen better,” the dragon said.

“Ha! Then feel its biting sting, dragon!” Tomas charged the dragon and jumped over the trench to hammer at its hand. The sword bounced off.

“Ow! Careful!” The dragon brushed Tomas aside, knocking him onto the ground, squirming in his heavy armor. “Look, I know you humans aren’t that smart, but you really need to try harder. Do you know any wizards?”

“The savage Galls keep magic users, but I revile them!”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

“Why?”

“No reason. It’s just a good thing you revile them. If they put their magic gems into a sword made of diamonds… I just don’t even want to think of what that would do to me.”

The dragon paused for dramatic effect, waiting for the information to soak into Tomas’s head.

“But you’re too weak, so I don’t even have to worry about that.”

“Dragon! You’ve made your final error! I have identified your sin, which is pride, and it is that sin that will destroy you!”

The dragon slayer left and the dragon went back to sleep, dreaming of piles of gleaming jewels taller than its head, wider than its wingspan.

“Dragon!”

The dragon woke up and emerged from its cave, stretching out its claws and wings. It padded out to see Tomas, again in glistening armor, but this time with a sword made entirely of diamond, its hilt inlaid with precious gems.

“Oh my! That sword isn’t magical, is it?”

“It can cut through the very mountains themselves! It can cut through the clouds and bring rain. It can cut through the fires of–”

The dragon huffed a blanket of flame over the screaming dragon slayer. Gingerly picking off his helmet and cracking open the armor with one fingernail, the dragon scooped out the screaming Tomas and popped him in his mouth.

“Not as good as sheep…”

It threw the battered armor with the others, set the sword in its treasure pile, and happily counted sheep.

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Filed under Flash Fiction, Session XXII

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