I have a hardon for life. When I think of just waking up and seizing life by the titties, I get a raging stiffy. Oh man, living is the best thing there is. Taking a shower, going to work, eating breakfast, taking the dog for a walk, falling in love, shootin’ pool, climbing mountains, running marathons—I get hard for all those things.
But don’t talk to me about death, man. The news drops my erection like an atom bomb (oops, there it goes). Death is a terrible thing, man. When I think of dying, I think: “Hey, dude, that’s the most unsexy thing ever. Put that back on the shelf.” People say death is a part of life. Ain’t the case for me. Life doesn’t kill my erection.