If I had a dime for every time I had this dream, I would shoot myself. I’m walking down a hallway and Sadie is sitting there with blood on her hands. Sometimes she says it’s her own blood. Sometimes it’s mine. Or Chev’s. Or she’s licking it off her fingers. Occasionally Chev comes by with an axe or a chainsaw. Sometimes he sneaks up on me and I turn around and the dream ends. There are nights when the dream repeats over and over again. I will wake up in my bed only to see Sadie there with blood on her hands. At first it freaked me out, then I got angry, and now I’m just exhausted. When I wake up to see Kira standing over me, I know that it’s probably just another dream again.
“Why haven’t you returned any of my calls?”
I think it was at this time I realize that she is real and I panic. I shoot up in the bed and hit my head against the wall trying to get away from her. I’m not sure why the real Kira standing there is more shocking than a dream Kira. Just unexpected, I guess.
“Whoa, Diz,” she was cracking up. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t–” she catches her breath, “I wasn’t expecting that.” She wipes away a tear. “Are you okay?”
Seeing Kira in my room laughing at me makes me want to cry, and not because I’m upset at her. It’s almost a release seeing Kira here again. I want to unload all my worries on her, but still…
“Why are you in my room?” I ask, rubbing my head.
She stops laughing and pulls out her phone. I watch her with my jaw locked and my gut tells me something bad is coming. Maybe this is a dream after all.
From underneath a pile of clothes comes The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army.”
Kira clicks the phone shut. “That’s my ringtone, is it not?”
“Mhmm,” I grunt, palming a hand over my eye and through my hair. I probably look like a mess.
“So why haven’t you been calling me back. We can’t get through to Chev or Sadie, either, and your mom just said she didn’t know what the Hell was wrong with you. So?”
“So what?” I snapped. “I didn’t feel like calling you back. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.”
“What do you even care anyway? You’ve already moved on, started a new band.”
“I’m sorry. I thought we were still friends. I didn’t realize I was just your lead guitarist.”
“Don’t try that guilt trip shit on me.”
“Get dressed and be downstairs in ten minutes. We’re going for a walk. You don’t come down, I’m dragging your sorry ass down.” She slams the door on the way out.
Red lights on the clock tell me it’s almost noon. Why do I feel so tired? My head keeps humming with Sadie mumbling about blood on her hands. Outside the window, the jays are chirping. If only the world could stop and be quiet just for one moment.
It only takes me two minutes to get up and get dressed but I was sitting in bed the other eight. Kira is in the kitchen having a cup of coffee and chatting with my little brother.
“Morning, sunshine!” Kira says, chipper and put together. Her jeans and shirt look washed and her hair is tied back in a ponytail. I must look like a mess. My hair always sticks up in strange places in the morning.
Seamus was smiling but now that I’m here, he’s staring gloomily at the table. We haven’t talked much since that night. And when he does, he only talks about visiting Sadie. I yelled at him about how she’s a dyke and he needs to stop getting in her pants. We haven’t spoken a word to each other since then.
“Want some coffee? Breakfast? You guys have real maple syrup here! I’m so excited about it.”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Let’s just get this over with.”
Kira sighs and pushes back her chair. She pats Seamus on the shoulder and says something in his ear. He’s smiling again, though I can’t help but wonder if it’s at my expense. Whatever.
Silently, we grab our coats. It’s one of the warmer days so far since the beginning of the month. I can’t even see my breath when the door opens and I wonder if I need a jacket. I glance over at Kira and she doesn’t say a word.
In fact, the entire walk occurs in silence. It wouldn’t be so bad if my head wasn’t tumbling around in a million directions.
“So, what’s up?” I ask. Kira stops abruptly. I turn to see her standing with her arms crossed.
“You tell me. Why has everyone dropped off the map? Seamus says he doesn’t know what’s up but he’s a terrible liar.”
“At least he knows when to keep his mouth shut.”
“So that’s it? You’re keeping something from me? Why? Because I haven’t been there to hold your hand?”
Kira breaks her stance to free up her hands. She puts a finger at my nose. “Come on, Diz! Are you really such a fucking baby all the sudden?”
I can’t meet her eyes.
“It’s none of your business.”
“Fine. I’m heading over to Sadie’s house next since it’s on the way to Chev’s. Maybe they can tell me something.” She spins on her heel and walks back to her car.
“Seamus didn’t tell you? About Sadie?”
“What about her?”
“She won’t be home right now.”
“Don’t fucking play games with me. Where is she?”
“She’s under surveillance at the hospital.”
Kira taps her foot three times and sighs deeply. “Get in the fucking car.”
“You can explain or not explain but you’re coming with me.”
“I can’t.” An image of Sadie with blood on her hands and Chev sneaking up on her with an axe comes to mind. It makes me shiver.
“Why? Tell me, please.”
“I just… please don’t go to Chev’s, Kira.”
“Does that mean you’re coming? What else are you going to do all day?”
Stay inside and watch T.V.
“Fine. Let’s go.”
Maybe I’m still dreaming, I think as I buckle the seatbelt. The wheels scratch against the ground as the car pulls away.