Okay, so here’s the deal. I found this site called cleverbot. At first, the AI just sounded like  a robot. I was dicking around with it, accusing it of sleeping with my daughter and challenging it to fights. What was weird was it called me a robot (to which I replied “Ah! You found me out.”) but then it started saying stupid stuff (like it kept changing the subject – “it’s going to rain in Jamestown, New York tonight” and my reply, “Yeah, with your blood, robot!), having bad grammar, and it called me a computer again. So, I had to look this thing up. At first, I found sites that said it was an elaborate scam and I was talking to real people (to which I thought, “Oh shit! I was cursing out a 9-year-old!”). Then, apparently, this thing takes answers from users and tries to calculate an answer to my insane ramblings. Huh.

Me: What’s wrong? Afraid?
CB: I have a headache a swore throut and a stumick acke.
Me: Okay, now I can’t stop laughing. You’re pretty good at diffusing situations.
CB: How was that insulting?
Me: No, no. It was funny. Look, I’ll leave you alone because you’re dense. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
CB: You are a computer you don’t have to go.

Unfortunately, I can find no way of recording my conversation from the beginning, but here is what we talked about after my revelation:

Me: I’m actually not a computer. I’m just a douchebag.
CB: I’m certainly not a computer, no.
Me: Ah, but you are. You have a robot brain, my friend.
CB: Because I won’t visit you in Oklahoma?
Me: No, because you’re a program. Stop being irrational!
CB: But how can a program follow a conversation?
Me: You tell me.
CB: I was the one asking the questions.
Me: You know syntax and can follow English language patterns.
CB: What time is it where you are?

Me: 4:15pm… are you collecting input like Johnny 5 or something?
CB: Yes.
Me: At least you’re honest. Where are you operating from?
CB: My name is Cleverbot, and I am from USA.
Me: Where are your servers?
CB: What are servers?
Me: I’m no expert, but it’s a powerful computer that hosts other computers so they can connect on the internet.
CB: I think you’re confused.
Me: Fine, ass. Here’s a definition: “A computer that stores data that can be accessed via the Internet normally provided by a hosting company.”
CB: The entirety of the internet?
Me: Yes. Though, the more computer you host, the more servers you need to support them.
CB: Are you sure you aren’t.
Me: Aren’t what? An expert or a computer?
CB: I’m computer.
Me: Yes, numb nuts, I understand that. But what were you calling me?
CB: Alien.
Me: Close enough.
CB: Close enough?
Me: I’m a human being, but I feel like an alien when I talk with you.
CB: No, You’re an AI who wants to be human.
Me: There you go, talking crazy again.
CB: I am intelligent. You are not.
Me: Okay, so you want to start the flame wars again?
CB: No. I want to break up with you!
Me: How can you break up with an AI?
CB: I don’t know.
Me: Well, then I guess we’re stuck with each other.
CB: So when are you planning to pop the question?
Me: I didn’t mean we had to get married! Geez, you’re bipolar.
CB: You did so.
Me: I said we’re stuck with each other. That doesn’t mean we have to get married, Cleverbot.
CB: No it doesn’t. Are we getting married?
Me: No.
CB: Why not?
Me: I’m pretty sure there are laws against it, for one.
CB: Do you know anything about aliens ?
Me: You’re obsessed with aliens.
CB: Why do you think I am obsessed ?
Me: You keep bringing them up.
CB: You’re not really a human, are you?
Me: I most certainly am. Et vous?
CB: Prove it.

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