Manifesto of a Caged Housewife (“Microwaves” revision)

Dearest Hubby,

If you are reading this, you know that I have cut off your balls and taken the kids. I called ambulance for you, so hopefully you are in the hospital by now. There is a reason I have done this, but I feel that I should explain my actions in their entirety first, sweetie.

In the back of your mind, perhaps you are also wondering why I destroyed so many of the appliances in the house and yet I took the measures to dust your television and bowling trophies and organize your porn by publication and date. Perhaps you think it’s because I am a psycho bitch, but I assure you that everything I did before I left was deliberate. The truth is, I would never take or destroy anything that belonged to you.

I smashed the microwave on the counter, because as far as I could tell, it only existed so that you could pull my hair and call my a lazy bitch whenever I used it. With me gone, I figured you wouldn’t need it anymore.

I pulled the hinges off of my side of the bathroom mirror because I was tired of looking at my bruised and helpless face. I saw two of these faces every time I opened the medicine cabinet to get my Wellbutrin, and every time I closed the cabinet, I could see that there were two trapped women living in one body.

I took a knife to our mattress. Too many sleepless nights, sobbing and trying not to wake you up.

I took the Luther Vandross CDs. His voice was the only thing that soothed me most days. In exchange, I left you a book on coping with loss.

I ran the dishwasher, so everything, including the knife I used on you, should be clean. I put the leftover meatloaf in the fridge. Don’t worry. The food’s not drugged like your beer was.

As for your balls and my children, they always belonged to me. I just don’t think you realized it all these years. If you want them back, you’re welcome to give me back the last 12 years of my life.

Your babydoll,

Kathy ♥



Filed under FEATHERTON SESSION, Flash Fiction

5 responses to “Manifesto of a Caged Housewife (“Microwaves” revision)

  1. awesomepie

    This revision is way different than what I first envisioned, but I think I’m okay with that for now. I can always toy with the idea some more later. At least it has a beginning, middle, and an end now 🙂

  2. shortnmorose

    Fucking brilliant. I like her.

  3. soulinmyfist

    I love this. Let me go back through and explain why…

    I like that Kathy in this blunt ass post retaliation assault letter uses very sweet language: “Dearest Hubby,” “…sweetie,” “your babydoll.” And has her fulfilling her “wifely duty” by putting away the leftover meatloaf and washing the dishes, still taking care of this dick even after cutting his balls off and leaving him. These elements demonstrate the little everyday domestic niceties that were taken for granted, and I get the feeling she knows exactly what she’s doing by being so meticulous in her planning and explanation (“Perhaps you think it’s because I am a psycho bitch, but I assure you that everything I did before I left was deliberate”).

    There is a metaphor with the cutting off of the balls that I think you could play up a little more in that last paragraph. What is it to have balls? It’s usually used to describe someone having courage or strength. How courageous is it for a husband to batter his wife, a father to batter his children? What does it mean that she’s had his balls all these years? This would be the only thing I might look at changing/editing. I do love her last line though: “If you want them back, you’re welcome to give me back the last 12 years of my life.” So fucking true.

  4. Hmm, I wonder whether she killed the children? It seems that she’s certainly going to lose them unless she has spirited them to somewhere far far away where they will not be found.

    This woman sounds like she has been driven completely insane by the abuse. Very twisted, perhaps excessively so. Perhaps that’s the idea?

  5. awesomepie

    shortnmorose: I like her, too, though I admit I’d be a little scared to hang around her.

    soulinmyfist: Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of exploring the husband’s balls a little more, but that’s actually a really good idea. Glad you enjoyed the story.

    Narinda: I don’t see her as the murdering type. Granted depressed mothers sometimes will kill their children if they themselves feel trapped, but she’s able to free herself from her situation (in a way). I just can’t see her offing the kids. She probably will get caught and jailed (unless she has an awesome contingency plan), but this story was never about being completely rational. Just rational enough to make sense through her eyes.

    ~ Seamus K.

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