The Slammer

At 7:30 in the morning, Arturo wakes up to the beautiful sunshine peeking through the window of the warden’s office in the New Mexico State Penitentiary.

Arturo wastes no time. By 8 o’clock he’s up and doing his rounds. He takes the prisoner wagon out for a spin to smash apart zombies. He always gives the ladie zombies a little tap, just to knock them down. Then he’ll smash their faces in with a sledgehammer. Arturo used to be very sloppy about this. He would kill them 9 times out of ten, either with the van or with his hammer. He’s gotten better now. Now he can pin them under his tires, pop off the bottom jaw, and scrape out their teeth.

9:00. Arturo throws his haul into an open cell. He doesn’t put them together without precautions. Sometimes they claw or eat at each other. He doesn’t want them anymore damaged than they have to be. This one’s a pretty little thing, skin burned from the sun but still feisty. She still has a wallet on her: Jaclyn Arnett. What a doll. Smells like piss, though.

9:30. Arturo eats. He never has breakfast too early. It gives him indigestion.

Sometimes the jaw can be replaced. Every day at around 10:00 or so, Arturo saunters over to cell B 12 to stick his cock in Shirley’s toothless mouth. He waters her mouth down first, of course. Zombie tongues are so dry and papery, after all. Arturo pulls on her hair while she desperately tries to eat his cock. Arturo feels powerful. He long since cut off and bandaged up her limbs. No teeth. No nails. He has complete control over her. But she’s getting old. Time to break the new girl in. But later.

Arturo plays basketball until noon.

He eats again.

By 1:00, he makes the rounds, looking over his filled cells and his empty ones, trying to see what new masterpiece to come up with. He paces by Robert and stops. Robert was a cellmate of his once. He turned into a zombie and Arturo crushed his throat:

“Hey Bobby!” he always says. “Knock knock!”

“Ackle-clok?” Robert always responds.


“Ackle…ackle. CLOK!”

“Abyssinia behind bars one of these days!” Arturo always gets a kick out of that one.

He heads to the fetish hall next. It’s unnatural, he admits, but Arturo likes to set his zombies up in certain fixed positions. In one of the cells, he has a stripped man tied to an old zombie dog. Every time the zombie lurches toward Arturo, trying desperately to tear a bite out of him, it looks like the zombie’s grinding up against the dog. Arturo jerks off to the scene. His sperm gets all over the dog’s rotten snout. Arturo’s dick twitches like a braindead corpse. He zips up his fly and heads back to his room to do push-ups and read a book.

Sometimes Arturo takes a a nap at around 2:00 or 3:00. Today, he is waken up by the sounds of moaning. Zombies were at his window. First a handful, but then he can see hundreds coming toward the building. He runs out to see if his prizes had escaped. They were all there, but he was being invaded. He checks Jaclyn’s cage nearby. The zombies are trying to get into her cell. It’s like they’re drawn to her for some reason.

4:30. Arturo is crawling about the prison. His mouth is dry and his only remaining arm twitches desperately.



Filed under FEATHERTON SESSION, Flash Fiction

5 responses to “The Slammer

  1. awesomepie

    You asked for it and you were all warned. Just throwing that out there (my deepest apologies to Praz, Yas, Rae, and Morose, who neither asked for this nor were warned. Sorry guys!)

    I guess I could have made it more detailed and disturbing, but I’m tired and I still haven’t finished my work. Bleh.

    ~ Seamus K.

    **edit** I forgot to work the quesadilla in! I’ll have to remember to do that when I revise, I guess.


    I especially like, “Jaclyn Arnett. What a doll. Smells like piss, though” and “Arturo’s dick twitches like a braindead corpse.”

  3. shortnmorose

    “Jaclyn Arnett. What a doll. Smells like piss, though.” LMAO. hahaha i’m so glad you brought her back!!

    Thoroughly disgusting. Warning would have been nice but I think it’s better without. I knew this would be the sexy piece so I had to read it and at first I thought you didn’t do it.

    You really took the idea and ran with it. From fetishes to toothless zombie giving head, I wanted to laugh and puke at the same time.

    I think I misunderstood but why is he the only warden and why was it he only had one arm?

  4. vicky_luu

    the slammer: all right, mr. seamus. we did ask for it…and you delivered. i love the gritty-ness and raw-ness of this piece. i mean, it’s fucked up but in this world you’ve created, it’s believable to me. it’s this look at the world in the bottom most rung.

    i wondered where you were heading with all of it, and then when it got to the point of the zombie blow job, i cringed and laughed at the same time. i like the imagery, even if it is bizarre and gross. i like that you get a sense that this world has been infested with zombies for so long that people are just adjusting to it, living with them. but in the end, you show that the zombies are still a threat.


  5. awesomepie

    Yeah, well… I don’t know what else to say about this one. Thanks for your comments, though. I may have to clarify the ending (he gets eating and he’s a zombie crawling around; the one remaining arm twitching on his lifeless body is supposed to be a phallic representation of his inadequacies… or something :P). Did anyone notice that I made a reference to the funniest zombie knock knock joke ever? Arturo sucks at telling it. He needs to be engorged on more brains to tell it right.

    ~ Seamus K.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s