Match (Revision)

Day 1

I live across from a dying neon sign that says “seafoo.” It flickers through the blinds and makes my room a shade of green like in zombie flicks. Every night, I battle the rotten green with the technicolor madness emanating from Tru TV.

Day 68

Mike came by today.

“Long time no see.”

“No shit, dick! You broke my jaw! I had to have it wired!”

“Yeah, but I paid for it,” I tell him. I don’t see what he was getting at.

“But you broke my jaw! I just got the wires removed last week and it still clicks!” He had his jaw clenched, which was probably bad for it, but what am I, his mom?

“And now you’re here. What, did Carla kick you out again?”

“No! I just wanted an apology from you, dick.”

I look at Mike, his strung out eyes darting around. “The couch is all yours, man. You really need to find another girl, you know that?”

“Hey, you shut your mouth! Carla’s an angel, man! A fucking angel!” His jaw pops like a firecracker. “Ow! Fuck!”

I put a bottle to my lips. I’m not his therapist, either.

Day 2

When people around here go walking around in the evening talking to themselves, they never have a phone strapped to their heads. I guess we’re old-fashioned that way.

Day 29

Mike and Carla haven’t called for a while. I don’t know why Mike won’t answer my calls. I paid for his surgery and everything. He’s not a very grateful person. Holds grudges. Doesn’t live for the moment. That kind of guy. I think it’s Carla’s influence. She doesn’t like me.

Day 20

Mike and Carla came to visit today. They’re a match made in a meth lab and just as volatile. Carla goes straight for the fridge.

“The beer’s not for dragon ladies!”

“Shut the fuck up!” her squealing voice is consumed by the frosty caverns that house all my Dos Equis.

“Yeah. Shut the fuck up!” Mike hits me upside the head. It doesn’t bother me much that Mike hit me. I deserved it, after all. It bothered me that the bitch didn’t come over here and do it herself. Mike’s a tool but she uses him like one. Not cool.

Somehow, after a couple hours of drinking and watching T.V., we start commenting on the way that fat chick’s voice sounds on Operation Repo.

“She says stuff weird,” I say.

“She looks weird, too. Who cares, man?” Mike takes down the rest of my beer.

“Sounds like white trash. Ain’t she Latina?”

You sound like white trash.”

“Hey. Fuck you.” I say. “I’m pure bred Chinese. Ain’t no white trash in my house.”

“Oh, right.” He and Carla look at each other and I know its trouble. It’s like two pieces of flint trying to start a fire, except imagine the flint is two idiots you know.

“Ah soo. Ching chong ping pong pow! Belly good. Me likey fat ratina. Likey berry much!”

I break his jaw.

Day 70

Carla burned down my apartment building. Mike must have said something wrong.

Days 21 through 67

Bought some more beer. Life is good. The room is flickering green. I turn on the T.V. and it feels like I’m winning.

Day 69

Mike is keeping me up all night talking on the phone. I get sick of “I’m sorry, baby,” but then they start shouting again. I can even hear her voice, she’s so loud. It’s shrill, cuts through plaster walls like a razor. I fall asleep to their shouting and even manage to sleep like a newborn. It’s comforting to know that, from a certain perspective, nothing ever really changes.

Day 71

The hotel I’m staying at smells like cat piss. There’s a red sign across the street with two Xs. I need a drink.

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4 Comments

Filed under FEATHERTON SESSION, Flash Fiction

4 responses to “Match (Revision)

  1. That story was all sorts of crazy genius, it reminded me Hunter Thompson! I thought the journal-entry skipping around day thing would be hokey but it turned out to be a great literary device. Very well done, entertaining piece of flash fiction.

  2. I read all three pieces and liked the pigeon piece most so left comments on that one. I liked the the irony of this piece and thought it worked well, but I wanted to see some redeeming qualities, some hint of nobility, in the main character. Because if he’s just someone who drinks all day and has white trash friends, I don’t feel moved for him when his house burns down and his life repeats. Keep up the good writing!

  3. edrensumagaysay

    I like the style. Journal-like and shit. Stylistically, intriguing to read.

    I like your mind, kid. you’re a weirdo who knows he’s a weirdo. You weirdo. no offense…

    I enjoy your writing because of that. Because you’ll take it into a Twilight Zone-ey place. And as a reader, I enjoy those pieces very much.

    Not to say you do this, I’m just dialoguing here, but what I don’t like is when writers try to write Twilight Zone-ey weird, but do it just to be Twilight Zone-ey weird. Meaning, there was no point to the piece other than to be friggin’ weird. I hate that. No plot, not plot twist, no sadness, no love, no nothing except pure weirdness. Again, I really hate that.

    I don’t think you do that, by the way. I’m just reiterating the fact that I’m just dialoguing.

    What kind of confused me was that the days were non in chronological order. I’m not sure if you did it in chronological order in the other version (I would check, but then I’d lose everything I’ve written thus far and I’m not good with cut and paste on a track pad) but tat got me confused a little.

    So the guy lived in a shitty apartment, there was a dude Mike who he knew, there was a girlfriend of Mike who the main dude didn’t like, the dude talked shit to Mike, Mike made fun of the dude’s chineseness and gets a broken jaw in return, then the girl burns down the apartment. I wrote that down from my memory.

    Now if you did that on purpose, so the reader wouldn’t really know what happened in what order, unless they themselves cut and pasted to see what happened in what order, then, I suppose, the suggestion would be to put it chronological order.

    The tense also changed a few times. Since it’s like journal entries, I’m assuming it would be present tense. Then again, even if it were past, as long as it was consistent, that that would work, too.

    Anyway, I liked this piece when I first read it. And I still like it now.

    Cheers.

  4. awesomepie

    I hear ya, Edren. In the first entry, I mixed the dates up to surprise the readers and make them think about why the house burned down before it actually does. I think it worked all right. However, I may have lost my purpose and just decided I needed to mix the dates up more without asking myself “why?” It may be a good idea, like you suggested, to put everything in chronological order and see how it reads. Then, maybe I can make the decision of what I need to do with this story. Thanks for your comments, everyone.

    ~ Seamus K.

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