Crumb the Caveman Takes a Walk

Crumb was a caveman You can tell by the silent “b”. Cavemen loved silent “b”s. Crumb felt claustrophobic in his cave. Crumb decided to go for a walk. While Crumb was going for a walk one day, he saw a baby pterodactyl. It had probably fallen out of its nest and was crawling around on its wings.

“Hey, little guy,” Crumb said in Caveman-ese. “How are you doing?”

The pterodactyle hissed and snapped at Crumb’s hand.

“You vicious little fucker!”

The baby pterodactyl kept hissing. Crumb found some rocks to throw at its head. Crumb missed at first, but then Crumb’s improved his aim. The pterodactyl crawled toward him, snapping its jaws. Luckily, Crumb had an arm full of rocks and he kept throwing until the thing was struck dumb. Crumb was nothing if not cool-headed.

The pterodactyl was lying on the ground and making weird noises in its throat. Crumb hunted for a very large rock or a log. He found a moderately large rock and log. Crumb grabbed the rock first, went back, and threw it. It hit a wing and pinned the pterodactyl down. Crumb decided then that he could grab the log and beat the pterodactyl to death. So he did. It took Crumb five strikes, or maybe four. He wasn’t sure but he gave one more hit to make sure it was dead.

Crumb removed the rock and took the dead baby back to his cave. Crumb showed it to his cave members, but he also took the log with him in case anyone wanted to be clever and try to take some of the best baby pterodactyl meat. Crumb cooked up the animal and ate. Crumb thought it tasted more tender than regular pterodactyl meat. While Crumb was eating, he imagined raiding pterodactyl nests. Then Crumb thought about a mother pterodactyl viciously removing his head and feeding the body to the chicks.

“The circle of life,” Crumb said. One of Crumb’s cavemates took this as a sign that he could eat. Crumb picked up his log and both hands and screamed at him. Lamb backed off. “That’s right, bitch,” Crumb said in Caveman-ese. Crumb knew he would not be eating baby pterodactyl again. Crumb would stick to small furry creatures and berries and leafy things, but he was glad to have this meal. He tossed the rest of the carcass at his cavemates and they picked the rest of it apart. Crumb liked being full.

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Filed under Flash Fiction, Session XII

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