Malice wears a red hat and sunglasses. It breathes in oxygen but breathes out fire. Malice has trouble sleeping at night. It grinds its teeth all the time and has to wear a mouthpiece to keep its jaw from hurting. If Malice could be any animal in the world, it would be a person — or an orangutan or a dolphin. Malice has trouble deciding. When Malice goes out for a walk, it doesn’t come back until it’s good and ready. Malice doesn’t have any pets and lives alone. Malice eats cereal for breakfast, plus the spoon and the bowl. Malice is running out of spoons and bowls. Malice likes ancient history. It says that current history is full of cows. “There are too many cows,” Malice says. Malice sighs a lot now and punches the dry wall.