In the year 2012, Cortez will come back from the dead and kill everyone. Him and Zombie Colombus, who has a hand-chopping-off fetish. He chops off people’s hands. Cortez just likes killing people in general, though.
No. No. I heard that a pig bomb will go off and blow up western civilization. People will live in the wilds of Russia and China, fending off giant pigs that weigh between 1 and 2 thousand pounds. They live on a diet of twenty people a day and their children become full grown super-pigs after three days!
That’s only if the sun doesn’t kill us first. Global warming has been wearing down on our atmosphere so that our planet can’t resist the sun’s gravitational pull. It’ll lock us in a tremendous bear hug and sear all the living things on Earth. The only thing left will be the zombies, led by Zombie Columbus. Cortez’s ship of white snakes will carry the zombies off to a distant galaxy where they will start over, like a zombie Noah’s Ark.
Well, I guess that’s reassuring.
Yeah. There’s always hope.