The Legendary Andy Runkle

Andy Runkle stood over eight feet tall. He climbed Mt. Everest carrying a half-frozen Sherpa guide the last mile up and the whole way down. He went to the Hofbrauhaus in Germany and they kicked him out for drinking too much. Andy would turn on every woman in the room just by the way he ordered a drink. He could bite through a cast iron tea kettle. Don’t know why anyone would want to, but they say that when Andy is drunk, he has the strength of ten drunker men. His dentist cursed his name and he had doctors who knew him by first name in 17 different countries. Andy once injected heroin into his arm while simultaneously snorting cocaine, chewing on a huge gob of peyote, and having a tremendous orgasm inside of a hooker in Chicago. He came so hard that wevery woman in the motel became pregnant simply by being too close to the epicenter and the aftershocks were felt the next town over. He was tripping for ninety days, during which he ran naked into the woods and lived off the meat of bears he strangled to death. He made a necklace out of their testicles. One time, Andy came up to me and punched me in the dick for no reason. Of course, my balls were permanently shattered, but Andy in his benevolence, gave me a pair of bear testicles off of his necklace. Andy Runkle was truly a great man.

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Filed under Flash Fiction, Session X

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